An Open Letter to My RA Roommate

Mandy,

Trying to have a conversation with you in person about the things that bothered us didn't get us anywhere, so we'd like to lay out what we think needs to happen before we can all coexist in relative peace:

1. If we come to you with a concern about how we feel we are being treated by you, we would appreciate if you didn't tell us that you don't care about or respect us, and, instead, pretend that you do care so that the conversation can progress in a constructive manner.

2. If we try to tell you that we think your bathroom garbage smells or that the piles of mildewing towels in your bedroom are giving off an odor, instead of telling us that the smell is really coming from the kitchen, please take care of the issue we've brought up since it obviously bothers us, and because removing those things would then prove that any lingering odor was not, in fact, coming from your room.

3. Please realize that we all work at least one job in addition to taking classes, being involved in multiple extra-curricular activities and dealing with homework and our personal lives. If the trash is not taken out the moment it gets full, this is because we are busy and most likely have deadlines for our jobs or classes that are, frankly, much more important. Sending rude texts is unnecessary, as we intend to get around to it when it is convenient within our schedules. If it bothers you so much, you can always take the trash out on your own time - if it doesn't bother you enough to do so, then you should cultivate patience and worry about something you actually intend to take action on.

4. We have been informed about every problem you've experienced with your smartphone, every rash or itch you've contracted this semester, how you bought more underwear, yet again, than you needed, and your 24 hour break-up with your boyfriend, among other events. For you to tell us that you don't care at all about what is going on in our lives and how that might affect how we interact with you and when we get around to doing things, such as the garbage, is rude, disrespectful and unprofessional considering the position you hold. Just because we don't lay all of our problems out for you in detail doesn't mean that it's acceptable to treat us as though we don't have them.

5. We would appreciate if you had more tact in the future. What you say, and how you say it, can go a long way in smoothing over tense situations. Not liking someone is not a free pass to treat them like a dog. Especially when they've tried to approach you in a rational manner. This also extends to everyday conversation - please refrain from talking over other people and commandeering conversations that you were not initially apart of, especially if no one actually solicited your input. Along this line, it would also be helpful if you tried to have the least bit of regard for what's happening in a room when you enter. If someone is upset, they probably don't want to hear about how your professor is so unfair for putting a time limit on your online tests, that your friend sucks for not scoring enough points on your family feud game for you, or how annoyed you are with everyone you work with because they aren't half as good at their jobs as you like to think you are.

6. When we have brought our concerns to you, we would like to at least get the sense that you are attempting to deal with them instead of always telling us to go to your supervisor, UPD, etc. YOU are our roommate, not them, and that means the actual effort put forth to deal with a conflict between you and us should fall on you. We feel it reflects very poorly on your abilities as an RA to mediate conflict between any of the residents here if you are unable or unwilling to handle conflicts within your own apartment. We would like to be able to deal with you as our roommate and fellow adult, without having your position as RA held over our heads. If you are so proud of being an RA, you should start acting like someone who deserves to be one and have a little more maturity when dealing with other people.

7. The sports bra incident is, frankly, ridiculous. After informing us that your boobs sweat enough to give you a rash, it is not unreasonable that you've been asked to stop hanging it for extensive periods of time in the shared bathroom without washing it. Deciding to then hang it in the hallway on the front of your door is childish, since this only puts it in an even more public place. You do not have a right to be angry that a picture of the hallway in which your bra is hanging has been posted on facebook, since we could just have easily invited over all of our friends and family and shown them the bra in person. Have some decency and don't put your underwear on display. If you object to putting YOUR bra in YOUR room because it is too disgusting, then you need to wash it more frequently. This issue doesn't need to be dragged out any longer.

In the end, you live in an apartment with THREE other people who deserve to feel comfortable in their own home. While your self-interests, emotional needs and comfort may be your only concern, you need to realize that we are entitled to needs and concerns as well, and choosing to live in a shared apartment and hold a position that puts you in direct contact with other people every day means you must respect them - whether you want to or not.